Maxwell quotes

This page lists Maxwell's Quotes which are spoken when the player examines an in-game item or object. The player can shift-click items and objects to examine them.

Tools
Axe- "Sometimes the direct approach is best."

Luxury Axe- "It gets sharper with every cut."

Shovel- "This is some real advanced techology."

Regal Shovel- "This shovel is worth a princely sum."

Pickaxe- "Everybody loves a little mining."

Opulent Pickaxe- "This must be game logic."

Razor- "If only the world had a single neck."

Razor (can't shave)- "If only the world had a single neck."

Razor (nothing left)- "If only the world had a single neck."

Razor (Shaving a waken beefalo)- "I'm not going to try that while he's awake."

Hammer- "It feels good to undo the work of others."

Pitchfork- "The tool of choice for perfectionists."

Lights
Campfire (upon being built)- "Sure beats darkness."

Campfire (high)- "That will keep Charlie away for now."

Campfire (normal)- "Firey."

Campfire (low)- "It needs fuel."

Campfire (embers)- "I'm going to lose it."

Campfire (burned out)- "That's not coming back."

Fire Pit (upon being built)- "Sure beats darkness."

Fire Pit (high)- "A roaring fire."

Fire Pit (normal)- "It's hot."

Fire Pit (low)- "It's getting low."

Fire Pit (embers)- "I should attend to that."

Fire Pit (burned out)- "It's gone cold."

Miner Hat- "Eventually the firefly will starve."

Pumpkin Lantern- "Why hello, Mr. Crane."

Lantern- "I hope this keeps Them away."

Torch- "It keeps Charlie at bay."

Survival
Backpack- "I wish there were porters around here."

Piggyback- "Oh that's just demeaning."

Bird Trap- "They keep falling for it!"

Bug Net- "Good for capturing defenseless insects."

Fishing Rod- "I will eat for a lifetime."

Healing Salve- "Just a bit of venom and some dirty old ash."

Honey Poultice- "Sticky and gooey and good for putting on booboos."

Heat Stone- "A pocketful of heat."

Heat Stone (cold)- "A pocketful of heat."

Heat Stone (warm)- "Comfortably warm."

Heat Stone (hot)- " It's almost too hot to hold."

Strawroll- "I don't like sleeping rough."

Tent- "That's a bit rustic for my taste."

Trap- "Only the dumbest animals will fall for this."

Umbrella- "It's crooked!"

Food
Crock Pot- "Just the thought makes my mouth water."

Crock Pot (cooking, long time left)- "Wait for it..."

Crock Pot (cooking, short time left)- "Here it comes!"

Crock Pot (finished)- "Finally, some quality grub."

Crock Pot (failed to add item)- "That can't go in there."

Farm Plot, Speedy Farm Plot and Turbo Farm Plot- "Do I look like a farmer?"

Farm Plot, Speedy Farm Plot and Turbo Farm Plot (growing)- "It's growing."

Farm Plot, Speedy Farm Plot and Turbo Farm Plot (needs fertilizer)- "Needs manure."

Ice Box- "A little piece of winter in a box."

Drying Rack- "I can dry meats so that they last longer."

Drying Rack (drying)-  "Still moist."

Drying Rack (finished)- "Like the desert."

Science
Science Machine- "I can't believe I forgot how to build these things."

Alchemy Engine- "It unlocks recipies of middling utility."

Shadow Manipulator- "This is where I do my own personal research."

Winter-O-Meter- "Not the most usefull invention isn't it?"

Rainometer- "I could also just look up to learn the same thing."

Lighting Rod- "A little bit of protection!"

Gunpowder- "Now this, I like."

Fight
Spear- "It's a spear. Yup."

Ham Bat- "An undignified weapon for a less refined time."

Boomerang- "Beats getting your hands messy."

Boomerang (hit self)- "OW! Clumsy!"

Blow Dart- "It's a... thing."

Sleep Dart- "Call me Mr. Sandman."

Fire Dart- "Just make sure to breathe out."

Football Helmet- "Now I am ready for the scrimmage."

Grass Suit- "Direct confrontation is quite gauche."

Log Suit- "Ugh, I'm not one for such vulgar fisticuffs."

Marble Suit- "That really isn't my style."

Bee Mine- "They wait so patiently."

Tooth Trap- "This one packs a punch."

Structures
Bee Box- "It holds my bees."

Birdcage- "You'll never get me behind bars again."

Birdcage (occupied)- "I feel for ya, feathers."

Birdcage (occupied, sleeping)- "You'll still be in there when you wake up."

Pig House- "That's like their only trick."

Pig House (occupied and lights are off)- "I'll huff and I'll puff!"

Pig House (occupied and lights are on)- "I'd go inside too, if I was him."

Rabbit Hutch- "Oh, isn't that clever."

Hay Wall (placed)- "It's a tinderbox."

Wood Wall (placed)- "Moderately tough, but flammable!"

Stone Wall (placed)- "This will keep the riff-raff out."

Walls (inventory)- "Pocket-sized wall pieces. Yup."

Chest- "A place to store loot."

Sign- "It says... nothing."

Turfs
Cobblestones- "At least this one is useful."

Wooden Flooring- "I prefer hardwoods."

Checkerboard Flooring- "That's my natural habitat."

Carpet Flooring- "That's a quality, high-pile carpet sample!"

Grass Turf- "Scratchy."

Marsh Turf- "It's dripping all over."

Savannah Turf- "Dirty."

Forest Turf- "Smells like mud."

Rocky Turf- "Kinda rough."

Fungal Turf- "Turf."

Guano Turf- "It's a... thing."

Refine
Rope- "You'd think this would have more uses."

Boards- "Roughly hewn."

Cut Stone- "The building blocks of civilization."

Papyrus- "A blank canvas."

Purple Gem- "Purple brings great power."

Nightmare Fuel- "Ahhh. Refreshing."

Magic
Meat Effigy- "I'm not above using this."

Pan Flute- "I'm going to sing a song of madness."

Amulet- "It channels the darkest energies of the universe."

One-man Band- "It has a good beat and you can dance to it."

Night Light- "It burns with a beautiful glow."

Night Armour- "Time to wrap myself in nightmares."

Dark Sword- "Snicker-snack!"

Ice Staff- "It's a... thing."

Fire Staff- "A basic enchantment, but effective."

Dress
Strawhat- "A hat fit for a peasant."

Beefalo Hat- "How unfashionable."

Beekeeper Hat- "I'll wear it if I have to."

Feather Hat- "I will lure them in with my plumage."

Winter Hat- "How disappointingly rustic."

Top Hat- "Some fine haberdashery."

Walking Stick- "It has pictures of fast things carved into it."

Dapper Vest- "It's a... thing."

Breezy Vest- "It's more of a fall vest."

Puffy Vest- "It's so hard to look fashionable in the winter."

Bush Hat- "There's room in there for me."

Garland- "Definetly not my style."

Rabbit Earmuffs- "They are at least warm."

Sewing Kit- "A fine and noble endeavour."

Nature - Plants
Evergreen- "I've heard them described as 'piney'."

Evergreen (chopped)- "That's not about to grow back."

Evergreen (burning)- "Oops."

Evergreen (burnt)- "Ashes to ashes."

Log- "It's a piece of wood, what more is there to say?"

Log (burning)- "Well, that was fun while it lasted."

Charcoal- "Nothing will steal my carbon!"

Pinecone- "A more outdoorsy type might be able to make something of this."

Baby Evergreen "A more outdoorsy type might be able to make something of this."

Spiky Tree- "A tree with a foul demeanor."

Spiky Tree (chopped)- "Tree 0, Maxwell 1."

Spiky Tree (burning)- "There it goes."

Spiky Tree (burnt)- "It's no use to anyone now."

Lumpy Evergreen- "It looks sickly."

Sapling- "A supple, woody stem."

Sapling (picked)- "It'll grow back."

Sapling (burning)- "Oops."

Sapling (picked up)- "Do I look like a gardener?"

Twigs- "Common, but useful."

Grass- "Tufty."

Grass (picked)- "Already harvested."

Grass (barren)- "Needs manure."

Grass (burning)- "Oops."

Grass Tuft- "Do I look like a gardener?"

Cut Grass- "The mundane stuff of the earth."

Berry Bush- "Reduced to eating berries. Sigh."

Berry Bush (picked)- "And now we wait."

Berry Bush (barren)- "It needs manure."

Berry Bush (picked up)- "Do I look like a gardener?"

Reeds- "There's wind in them there willows."

Reeds (picked)- "No more tubes."

Reeds (burning)-."Oops."

Cut reeds- "I think I could build something useful from this."

Plant- "Leafy!"

Plant (growing)- "It's growing."

Plant (ready to be picked)- "It's ready."

Marsh Plant- "What a generic little plant."

Spiky Bush- "It's twisted and thorny, just like me!"

Spiky Bush(after picking)- "I scratched my arms up doing this."

Flower- "I am filled with the irrational urge to stomp upon it."

Petals- "Like so much confetti."

Evil Flower- "I like that flower."

Dark Petals- "It's dripping with nightmare essence."

Red Mushroom (unpicked)- "It's a red mushroom."

Red Mushroom (unpicked, sleeping)- "I'll have to come back for it."

Red Mushroom (picked)- "It's all used up."

Green Mushroom (unpicked)- "Green Fungus."

Green Mushroom (unpicked, sleeping)- "When do those ones come up?"

Green Mushroom (picked)- "Been there, done that."

Blue Mushroom (unpicked)- "The blue ones are good for something."

Blue Mushroom (unpicked, sleeping)- "It's not ready."

Blue Mushroom (picked)- "Another time, maybe?"

Nature - Objects
Bee Hive- "Not the bees!"

Honeycomb- "It's full of bee seeds"

Boulder- "It's a rock."

Rocks- "Hmmm. Now what do I do with them?"

Flint- "Ow! I cut my finger!."

Gold Nugget- "This was important to me once."

Nitre- "One third of the way there..."

Graves

Headstone (1)- "It says milk. Eggs. Bacon."

Headstone (2)- "Here lies some guy. Blah blah blah."

Headstone (3)- "Hey, that's my name!"

Headstone (4)- "This headstone is blank."

Grave- "What lies beneath?"

Grave (dug)- "Already got that one."

Koalefant tracks

Suspicious Dirt Pile- "That looks out-of-place."

Animal Tracks- "Some dumb beast passed through here."

Wooden thing

Wooden Thing- "My beautiful machine is in pieces!"

Wooden Thing (partially assembled)- "It is still incomplete."

Wooden Thing (fully assembled)- "It's alive!"

Ring Thing- "This is the quantum field guard band."

Crank Thing- "This is used to agitate the humours."

Box Thing- "This is a box full of sadness and woe."

Metal Potato Thing- "The gears in here are so small they turn the fabric of reality."

Wormhole

Wormhole (closed)- "It's worse knowing what the other part looks like."

Wormhole (open)- "I can assure you that it smells worse than it looks."

Wormhole (exited)- "Yech. It's horrible in there."

Pond- "I can see my face reflected off the top."

Spider Den- "They grow big here."

Spider Egg- "Squishy."

Rabbit Hole- "There's a world going on under there."

Nature - Caves
Stalagmites- "Rocks. How dull."

Spilagmites- "How did that get down here?"

Mushtree- "It smells of rot and failure."

Light Flower- "It's so dark down here."

Light Bulb- "It will run out eventually."

Earthquake- "That doesn't sound good."

Mobs - Monsters
Hounds

Hound- "They don't recognise me!"

Fire Hound- "I put fire gems in there as a joke."

Ice Hound- "I had a lot of surplus gems!"

Red gem- "Red brings fire."

Ice gem- "Blue brings ice."

Hound's Tooth- "It's a... thing."

Spiders

Spider- "It's mostly digestive system."

Spider (sleeping)- "Sssh! It will wake up hungry."

Spider (dead)- "Haha!"

Spider Warrior- "It's a specialized form."

Spider Warrior (sleeping)- "I don't want to wake that one."

Spider Warrior (dead)- "Good riddance!"

Cave Spider- "It's a tricky one."

Spitter- "Aggressive little thing, isn't it?

Silk- "Despite it's origin, it could make some fine garments."

Krampus

Krampus- "You won't catch me!"

Krampus Sack- "It's really light."

Tentacle

Tentacle- "I'm glad the rest of it is down there."

Tentacle Spike- "Ugh. This is so revolting."

Tentacle spots- "This is how they reproduce."

Werepig- "That one's gone feral."

Ghost- "It remembers me!"

Walrus

Mactusk- "Don't you recognise me?."

Weetusk- "A chip off the old block."

Walrus Camp- "The Walrusser can't be far."

Walrus Camp (Summer)- "I best not linger when winter comes."

Walrus Tusk- "I'll put this to better use."

Tam o' Shanter- "Made in Scotland."

Mosquito

Mosquito- "Bloody blood sucking blood suckers."

Mosquito (picked up)- "I got him."

Slurtle

Slurtle- "I don't remember that being down here."

Snurtle- "That's strange. That must be new."

Slurtle Slime- "There must be a better way."

Broken Shell- "They don't fit back together."

Slurtle Mound- "That's revolting."

Snurtle Shell Armor- "That's not dapper at all."

Batilisk- "Ugh. Ugly beasts."

Mobs - Neutral Animals
Beefalo

Beefalo- "Just look at that stupid beast."

Beefalo (sleeping)- "It's only marginally less stupid when it's asleep."

Beefalo (shaved)- "Now it looks dumb AND pathetic."

Beefalo Wool- "It smells like a barn."

Beefalo Horn- "Call forth the beasts!"

Baby Beefalo- "They're even ugly as children."

Bee

Bee- "They work so hard, the fools."

Bee (picked up)- "Now what do I do with it?"

Killer Bee- "What is that bee so angry about?"

Killer bee (picked up)- "I've caught a tiger by the tail."

Stinger- "It's dripping with venom."

Pig

Pig- "What a slobbering fool."

Pig (following)- "He's simple but he's mine."

Pig Skin- "It was him or me."

Bunnymen

Bunnyman- "It reminds me of my old act."

Frog

Frog- "It jumps and licks things."

Frog (sleeping)- "It looks tired."

Koalefant

Koalefant- "A distant cousin of the beefalo."

Winter Koalefant- "It has it's winter coat on."

Mobs - Passive Animals
Butterfly

Butterfly- "It's a flying flower."

Butterfly (picked up)- "It would be a shame if someone ripped the wings off you."

Birds

Crow- "I don't know how they got here."

Crow (picked up)- "Shhhh... My pretty."

Crow Feather- "Black is the colour of sleep."

Redbird- "The redbird comes from the firelands."

Redbird (picked up)- "Silence, bird!"

Redbird Feather- "Red is the color of fire."

Snow bird- "I don't recognise that one."

Snowbird (picked up)- "Quiet, you."

Snowbird Feather- "Grey is the colour of pain."

Gobbler- "It's addicted to fermented berries."

Chester

Eye Bone- "Stop looking at me!"

Eye Bone (Chester dead, eye closed)-  "What is it waiting for?"

Ashes of Eye Bone-

Chester- "Annoying little monster. He has his uses, though."

Rabbit

Rabbit- "I've been here too long - It actually looks tasty."

Rabbit (picked up)- "Don't worry, rabbit. Everything is under control."

Fireflies

Fireflies- "How pretty."

Fireflies (picked up)- "I could squish them if I wanted to."

Mandrake

Mandrake- "Oh shut UP, will you?"

Mandrake (following)- "What a disturbing root."

Mandrake (dead)- "My ears are still ringing."

Mandrake (cooked)- "It has lost a lot of its power."

Mobs - Tallbird family
Tallbird

Tallbird- These were a failed experiment.

Tallbird Nest (empty)- It's made of dirty beefalo hair.

Tallbird Nest (with egg)- "Well. That's tempting."

Tallbird egg

Tallbird Egg- Tallbirds are territorial because of these things.

Tallbird Egg (cooked)- It tastes like broken dreams.

Hatching Tallbird Egg- We've got a live one here.

Hatching Tallbird Egg (dead, eating the egg)- That tastes about as good as you would expect.

Hatching Tallbird Egg (too hot)- Hot enough for ya?

Hatching Tallbird Egg (too cold)- It's getting tepid.

Hatching Tallbird Egg (long time left)-

Hatching Tallbird Egg (short time left)-

Smallbird

Smallbird- What!? What do you want?

Smallbird (hungry)- You want some food?

Smallbird (starving)-

Smallish Tallbird

Smallish Tallbird-

Smallish Tallbird (hungry)-

Smallish Tallbird (starving, attacking)-

Mobs - Bosses
Deerclops

Deerclops- "Even I am afraid of that guy."

Deerclops Eye- "Deerclops are myopic"

Treeguard (Leif)- "Disgusting creature!"

Spider Queen- "Maybe I'll just get out of her way."

Spider Hat- "Spiders have such malleable wills."

Mobs - Other
Maxwell- "Lookin good !"

Tooth trap (Maxwells)-

Beemine (Maxwells)-

Pig King- "That's a man with his priorities in order!"

Abigail- "Why just these mortals stay dead ?"

Food - Meats
Monster Meat- "How revolting."

Cooked Monster Meat- "I'll eat it if I have to."

Monster Jerky- "My teeth are getting too old for this."

Meat- "I'm used to much finer fare."

Cooked meat- "It smells less like barnyard, now."

Jerky- "My teeth are getting too old for this."

Drumstick- "It tastes strangely like berries."

Fried Drumstick- "Still tastes like berries."

Fish- "Fresh from the murky depths."

Cooked Fish- "It still stinks"

Morsel- "This is barely a mouthful."

Cooked Morsel- "Well, at least it's not moving anymore"

Koalefant Trunk- "Full of summer mucus."

Winter Koalefant Trunk- "The trunk thickens in the winter to hold more mucus."

Koalefant Trunk Steak- "At least the mucus burned off."

Frog Legs- "Muscular."

Cooked Frog Legs- "Stringy."

Batilisk Wing- "I'm not eating that."

Cooked Batilisk Wing- "I'm still not eating that."

Food - Fruits
Pomegranate- "Usually I'd get someone to seed this for me"

Sliced Pomegranate- "A little more refined, at least."

Durian- "It's an aquired taste."

Extra Smelly Durian- "A little more refined, at least."

Dragon Fruit- "Exotic and delicious."

Prepared Dragon Fruit- "A little more refined, at least."

Berries- "Sigh, if I have to."

Roasted Berries- "A little more refined, at least"

Food - Vegetables
Corn- "High in fructose."

Popcorn- "A little more refined, at least."

Carrot (in the ground)- "How mundane."

Carrot (picked up)- "I'm not a fan of vegetables."

Roasted Carrot- "A little more refined, at least."

Pumpkin- "Halowe'en was always my favourite."

Hot Pumpkin- "A little more refined, at least."

Eggplant- "Just another boring plant."

Braised Eggplant- "A little more refined, at least."

Red Mushroom- "I forget what this one does."

Cooked Red Cap- "Kind of bitter."

Green Mushroom- "I should eat it."

Cooked Green Cap- "Salty!"

Blue Mushroom-  "What could go wrong?"

Cooked Blue Cap- "Umami!"

Food - Crock Pot
Mandrake Soup- "My compliments to the chef!"

Turkey Dinner- "How Festive."

Powdercake- "What foul product of science is this?"

Most recipes- "My compliments to the chef!"

Food - Other
Seeds- "I suppose these won't plant themselves."

Seeds (carrot seeds, pumpkin seeds etc)- "This labour is beneath me."

Roasted Seeds- "I broiled the life out of 'em."

Honey- "Sticky and sweet."

Petals- "Like so much confetti."

Butterfly Wings- "Ha ha ha. I got him!"

Butter- "Some puns are irresistible."

Egg- "I like to think of it as a baby bird prison."

Cooked Egg- "Sunny side up."

Rot- "That used to be food until I wasted it."

Misc Items
Purple Gem- "Purple brings great power."

Beard Hair- "Hirsute."

Manure- "It's the way of all mortal life."

Guano- "Disgusting!"

Graveyard Trinkets

Melty Marbles - "This was important to someone once."

Fake Kazoo -

Gord's Knot - "This was important to someone once."

Gnome -  "This was important to someone once."

Tiny Rocketship - "This was important to someone once."

Frazzled Wires -  "This was important to someone once."

Ball and Cup - "This was important to someone once."

Hardened Rubber Bung -  "This was important to someone once."

Mismatched Buttons - "This was important to someone once."

Second-hand Dentures - "This was important to someone once."

Lying robot - "This was important to someone once."

Dessicated Tentacle - "This was important to someone once."

Announcements
Generic-

Battlecry- "To arms!"

Battlecry (on prey)- "You look tasty!"

Battlecry (Pig)-

Battlecry (Spider)-

Battlecry (Warrior Spider)-

Leaving combat-

Leaving combat (prey)-

Leaving combat (Pig)-

Leaving combat (Spider)-

Leaving combat (Spider warrior)-

Torch (run out)- "Dang it. Another torch down."

Boomerang (hit self)- "OW! Clumsy!"

Dusk- "It'll be dark soon. Charlie will be waking up."

Entering light- "The light is back."

Entering darkness- "It's dark! I can't see!"

Doing things in the dark-

Failed to do something-

Failed to craft something-

Trying to sleep during the day- "I can't sleep in the day."

Trying sleep near monsters- "Not while there's danger afoot!"

Knocked out- "Ugh, my head!"

Grue- "Charlie? Is that you? It's me! Maxwell!"

Grue (hurt by)- "OW Charlie! That hurt."

Pecked-

Hounds are coming-  "The hounds are getting restless."

Inventory full- "My pockets are full."

Eating (spoiled food)- "That was putrid."

Eating (stale food)-  "That was past its due-date."

Eating (painful food)-  "Ow! That hurt my mouth."

Hungry- "I am empty inside."

Exiting a Wormhole- "Yech. It's horrible in there."

Koalefant (lost its trail)-  "Drat! It got away."

Koalefant (found)- "I smell dung and beast-sweat."